Polyamory is not a relational Utopia of blissfully happy people skipping around with unicorns (shush) , rainbows, and butterflies in some trippy Willy Wonka looking candy land.
(The only resemblance is the colourful Google shared calendar entries. )
Instead, it’s navigating boundaries and processing , processing , processing. And more processing. And talking. And more talking. And scheduling time for talks. Then process some more.
Ain’t it grand??!
Hell ya. Oh yes – I jest at all the funny nuances of being in a multi-relational structure, but honestly, it is a journey that has been an adventure.
It has been 2 years since I have been out to all my family and friends as polyamorous and here’s what I have learned during the process (Damn, there’s that word again! Can’t escape it! ).
Let’s start with the good stuff….
The Realization of Indifference
It’s amazing sometimes how we believe much more people give a shit about how we conduct our daily life. Coming out as poly was on the most part anti-climatic and most people were relatively indifferent. The upside, is that there are people who will come forward and commend you. The downside, is that there are people who shun you.
What’s the good stuff of realizing this? Humbling.
Nothing to Fear about Awkwardness
I live in a country where I won’t lose my life for being polyamorous. I won’t lose my kids for being polyamorous. So a part from that – what is the true fear?
Being disowned? Conditional love for loving unconditionally. Hmmm…well, that would only solidify where you stand with someone else. Knowing my closest friends and family would never disown me for it, it only left awkwardness and the air of uncomfortable feelings.
Yes, there are plenty of those in conversations when you first come out to loved ones but don’t let it stand in the way of being YOU. The imagination of what people might do/think/say was far greater than what really panned out so I found myself no longer fearing awkward moments.
You Never Know Who You Will Inspire
This, was something, rather unexpected. My objective was just to stop living a lie and to be open about who I was. What I didn’t see coming, were the messages of people that I have known for many years coming forward to tell me their stories. The power of authenticity is so incredibly underestimated until you find come face to face with the result of it – the power to inspire others, and help others to feel a little less alone. THIS has made it worth it 10x over.
Be a Part of Change
Taboos, ignorance, and misunderstanding will only change by those who willing to risk it to make it happen.
You Only Get One Shot
Unless you are Buddhist then there are a few more tries at it, but essentially, one life is all you got. No mulligans.
You are your own best friend, lover and soulmate
We don’t need to be a bunch of halves walking around one dimensionally waiting for some Jerry Maguire complete-me moment. You are wonderfully whole. Be your own best friend. Be your own lover, Be your own soulmate. Only once you are whole, can you then love whole and love in a way that inspires you.
Once I had nothing to hide, there was nothing about myself to be ashamed of. I felt whole.
Coming Up!
What goes up, must come down ….Part 2 (The Tough Stuff)
My So Called Solo Poly Life 
Great article, thanks for sharing! I think your words of wisdom would be useful in most potentially scary moments in our lives. I plan to try some of your tips!