Couple Privilege. Primary/Secondary/Central/Nesting. Hierarchial polyamory. No doubt if you have spend some time in the non-monogamous realm you have heard of these concepts and granted, there is a fair share of literature out there that discuss these in detail. However, doesn’t matter whether you or not you hail from Team Solo, Team Dyad, or Team More Than That – ranking relationships is a common practice.
Everywhere you turn, human relationships are categorized, boxed, labelled, and many times ranked. Why does a person’s importance in our life have to be based on what role we have deemed them in our existence? Their value in the world is no more or less than our own.
With that in mind , why not instead prioritize needs vs prioritizing people?
One way to illustrate this is the case of having multiple children.
The youngest child needs your assistance with helping them get somewhere for an activity while the older one pleads with you you to continue to playing video games with them.
The older one has been in your life longer so does that mean their requests mean more?
Absolutely not. This is a matter of what is required at the time based on needs and knowing full well, that if the situation was reversed, the same decision would apply.
When something comes up that needs your attention, express the urgency of the situation “Amy is having a bad day and I would like to support her ” vs “Amy is my best friend, so I would do anything for her”.
Remember – everyone is worthy of love and support, not the category they have been placed in.They are worthy of respect not because of how long we have known them, or the contributions they have made to our lives, but rather just on the simple notion that they are valued individuals on their own.
My So Called Solo Poly Life 