Even if you aren’t hailing from the polyamorous crowd, the word compersion is becoming more well known. Just in case you didn’t get the memo on this nifty concept, its most common usage is in the non-monogamous community when referring to the giddy feelin when your partner is getting the warm fuzzies from someone else. Be it that they went on a date, or knee deep in NRE (another fun term – New Relationship Energy), or just are in a happy state and the reason for it is beyond yourself. Some refer to it as the flip side of jealousy.
Rather than see it as the opposite of something, I’d like to call it out for what it really is.
Empathy.
When we see it as coupled with empathy, compersion takes a more deeper, multi-dimensional place in how we connect to everyone. The more we empathize with others and invite that understanding inside, compersion is how we respond. Empathy is bringing in, compersion is giving back.
I recall hearing the story of someone who had so many emotions going through her head when her husband was going on a very successful date. She felt all the spectrum of emotions, as well as empathy. She brought in his happiness into her, and she felt it. She also was processing feelings of anxiety and nervousness. The compersion part of it – was the support she gave to him. The space, the ear to listen, the love. That’s what compersion is all about – not the absence of jealousy, but the safe space for empathy to blossom with our actions.
As a human family, we all can benefit from compersion and empathy by practicing it everyday. Take a moment to try it. Sense the state of being of others (empathy) and respond kindly (compersion).
Feel the happiness of others, and embrace it with support.
Understand the sadness of others, and offer to listen.
Appreciate the successes of others, and commend them.
Sense the challenges of others, and encourage them.
Give it a try.
My So Called Solo Poly Life 