It’s date night – it is a mad scramble now to find a sitter last minute. Thankfully , a good friend offers to have the boys over while we go out to dinner.
I dress up a bright, summer dress as the nights are still hanging onto Summer’s power. Chef does the same and when he walks by, I can smell the cologne he put on. Makes me smile.
We say our goodbyes to the little men and hurried off. The car ride was filled with talk about food – we were in dire need of beers and grub.
We were off to the restaurant that Chef works at and were greeted with smiles from the usuals. It was a packed night on the patio so we opted for a seat inside. We each went with a burger – I went all out and thought bacon and cheddar would be a tasty one. I’m sure my gut would hate me later.
When the beers came, we made our cheers to the selfie, for this wasn’t just any date night – it was our uncoupling date night.
We have been here before but there is something about this time that has a real sense of finality to it, and rather than ending our story with a semi-colon, we were choosing to end it with a period. However, whatever the reason one story ends, it is a far better testament to people on how they write the next sentence.
This is ours.
We shared stories, laughs, smiles about the past 8 years. As the dinner winded down, the talk shifted to the future. Almost , in a sense, an exit interview. What did we learn. What do we want to commit to going forward. Most importantly – how we were going to continue to be a team of kickass parents to our boys.
What was missing tonight was the hurt. Over the past few months, we did that dance. Cried the tears, said things out of anger, and made our mistakes. Tonight was about acceptance. We were able to enjoy each other’s company as the people we are genuinely are rather than the friction of our circumstances. Tonight was a celebration of what did do right and what we can do right.
Even after the kids went to bed, we stayed up for a while longer talking about all things in life. It made me think of the “Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye” song , which although is more about having one last romp before saying goodbye, was applicable to tonight more as a night of just being us. As one of the lines goes “Who we were, just didn’t work/but let’s make something good from all this hurt”. We weren’t going through the motions of the song and having sex, but rather the spirit of it. One last “date” night were we can just talk together.
That’s what we did. Put the hurt aside, and the sadness and just let ourselves be ourselves. We watched the video together , and as the song went on, some tears rolled down my face. For even the one who chooses to let go, grieves too.
In that moment, he held me tight and that reminded me why he will always be my best friend. I will always love him. It was out of that love that I needed to let go because I wanted us to still have this. Respect , caring and tenderness. Conscious uncoupling. Through the pain of saying goodbye, I smiled at our possibilities and at seeing our authentic selves shine.
While the romantic partnership had reached its sunset, we were dawning on a new path. We were making something that would work. Still living together as a family as to not uproot the boys and having a safe space for all of us to be. It may not always have all 4 of us here, but it will always be homebase.
We may have transitioned our relationship, but we are still 2 people committed to always being there for our sweet littles ones, and who still love and care for each in their own way.
As the night wore on, we shifted to more fun. He showed me how Tinder works and we got a laugh out of the whole dating dance. While I have little interest in doing that dance right now, it was fun to hear his stories about his first conversations and meetings. Compersion. I like seeing him happy and being himself.
In the end, we sat there and just rested in the moment. It was simple, quiet. This was our way to say goodbye to what we were and greeted what we will be. No doubt we will stumble, but heads, and hurt again as we figure our way around but in this moment of acceptance, we let go. We let go in the only way we know – with love.
I hugged my best friend, thanked him for tonight and we walked to our separate rooms. It was an unintended analogy of what our life had now become. Together as friends, separate as lovers. I drifted off to sleep, with a smile. For I knew, for Chef and I – we would be OK.
My So Called Solo Poly Life 